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Product news: Jade's odours, Jordan's bed and that Indie band from Dragon's Den

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It makes you wonder how many smells this woman is capable of generating. Jade Goody has launched yet another 'scent', the unromantically-named "Controversial". She can't spell her own smell.

Jordan has a new bedding range (for kids? Hopefully. Look at it!) - and a couple of pipe-cleaners for legs according to that picture.

... while the band who prised £75,000 out of the clutches of the Dragon's (Den) have released a new single. 'The Girl I Love' came out week and is now available to download on iTunes.

Shit Lookalikes: Preston and a Victorian bather

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Does this man's self-belief know no limits? Ordinary Boys frontman and Chantelle divorcee Preston has stepped out in what appears to be a gentleman's bathing suit from the late 1800s. Alas, on this picture we can't see how far the costume extends, but I'm assuming it's a full 'one piece' with skin-tight legs.

Reality TV links: George Galloway's soul, American Idol in trouble, Canadian Marias

gallo.jpgThe Observer had a whole reality tv special in its magazine at the weekend. While we might not want to think about George Galloway's body and soul too much since that robot-dancing clip, the top ten reality telly earners and guide to surviving Big Brother make entertaining reading.

American Idol's in trouble for too much product placement... don't look up the product though - THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!

- and just when you thought they'd solved a problem like her, they have the Marias show in Canada too, it turns out...

Reality TV news: Jodie's French, Hurley's farm, Kerry's pay-out, baby borrowing

jm.jpgOne hopes this airbrushorific shot of Jodie as Marie Antoinette is just the first of many ways she intends to emulate the decapitated revolutionary French Queen.

Liz Hurley's tipped to make a reality show about her life on the farm she runs in Gloucestershire.

Kerry Katona's won a big pay-out from the Sunday Mirror who reported, bafflingly, that she had been a prostitute.

Calum Best's new celibacy-themed reality show is called The Best Is Yet To Come...

...while in a new US reality show - The Baby Borrowers, people actually LEND THEIR KIDS TO TEENAGERS.

I'd Do Anything Samantha lands lead role in Cabaret

sam2.jpgWe've been wondering what Sam's up to these days. Easily one of the best Nancys, but with a slightly creepy Manx following, we were worried she might be dressed in feathers and trapped in a golden cage suspended from the highest yard arm on the Isle of Man.

But no! I'm happy to report that the 17-year-old, who came third in I'd Do Anything despite almost turning Barry Humphries straight, will play performer Sally Bowles in the musical Cabaret. Dancer Wayne Sleep will also appear, the role of the Emcee.

I'd Do Anything was won by Jodie Prenger in May. She will make her debut as Nancy in the West End revival of Oliver! later this year.

Rachel Tucker, another former Nancy hopeful, has also been offered theatre work since appearing on the show. She recently signed up to play a lead role in West End musical We Will Rock You.

Reality TV round-up: Lembit Opik's heartbreak, Gordon's close shave, cooking Kittens, Ross's 'Appwentice'

cheeky.jpgThe Lembit/Cheeky crisis continues, with rumours that he wants his House of Commons pass back, and Cheeky Mum Margit is still smarting after he proposed without asking her permission (it's the Estonian way).

Gordon Ramsay nearly drowned while filming the F Word in Iceland. Nearly drowned? What does that even mean? I 'nearly drowned' in the bath this morning. Luckily I was saved. By NOT DROWNING.

Funny-faced Atomic Kitten Liz McLarnon won Celebrity Masterchef, in case you hadn't heard.

...and rumour has it that Jonathan Ross will join Alan Carr and Johnny Vegas in surely the least efficient ever Celebrity Apprentice, next March.

Britain's Got Talent - Snooker dog Blue dies

sfo.jpgI'm not mourning this one on my own, I'm dragging you lot down with me. I'm afraid poor old Blue is no longer with us. He has been accidentally killed by his owner Geoff Davies. Davies told The Sun: "Blue was up to his normal tricks, chasing a JCB I was driving. It was such a warm day he took cover under a tractor. I moved from the JCB to the tractor.

I didn't know he was under the wheels. As soon as I realised what had happened I was horrified. It was too late to call the vet, so I sat with him while he drifted off." He added: "Of all the things, I was the one who ran him over."

Let's remember Blue by watching the clip of him 'playing snooker', overleaf...

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Big Brother news: Bex snogs Mo, truth or dare, Mario's delusions

mario.jpgSo Luke's down in the dumps after Bex snogged Mohamed! The plot thickens, but she sure can pick 'em...

There was a 'revealing game of truth or dare' last night, Bex thinks she's going tonight. Luke thinks he's going next week. Kat and Rachel both named Luke as the person they'd least like to see win.

...and in that parallel universe outside the house, where evictees live alongside Rose Tyler and the half-human Doctor, terrifying alien monster Mario has been signed up for the judging panel of Nuts TV's Babe Search 2008. He says he seems himself as "the Simon Cowell of the modelling industry." Bit premature, considering he hasn't done anything yet. Ever.

Ant & Dec's US debut is a flop

antanddec.jpgAnt and Dec's have finally made their big stateside appearance... but their first show has pulled in just four million viewers. The pair's quiz show Wanna Bet! went out on Tuesday night in a primetime slot on ABC.
The disappointing ratings were blamed on the lads being put on after an unpopular show. Yes. That's probably it.

Dec said: "We're looking forward to growing our audience here over the series."
Ant added: "We were very pleased with the first show." The pair will stay in the US until they get kicked out of there as well.

Interview: Jenny from Britain's Missing Top Model

We love Britain's Missing Top Model here at Panto, and jumped at the chance to get an exclusive interview with ballsy American beauty Jenny, the latest hopeful to depart the show.

Come over the page to hear Jenny's views on fame, food, the other girls, and what she really thinks of Britain...

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Alex Wotherspoon to present new business show

aw.jpgApprentice hopeful Alex Wotherspoon is probably going to be presenting a new business show. Alex is said to be in talks to make the programme for the BBC or Living later in the year.

The Sun, who always seem to know more than they've been told, say the concept will be similar to Ruth Badger's Sky One series, Badger Or Bust where the Apprentice runner-up tried to turn mediocre salesman into "winners". Presumably Alex's version will see him messing up the hair of aspirant businessmen-models and teaching them how to frown indignantly whenever anyone with a posh voice is talking.

Classic Reality TV: watch Kerry and Jordan in the jungle

Remember when Jordan and Kerry were kind of cute and adorable? Back when men were men and Kerry was a McFadden? When Jordan and Kerry were IN THE JUNGLE TOGETHER? I know, right? Seems like a lifetime ago. But here they are, munching on bush cockroaches, before the curse of the jungle, and Peter Andre, struck...

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