Reality TV links: George Galloway's soul, American Idol in trouble, Canadian Marias

The Observer had a whole reality tv special in its magazine at the weekend. While we might not want to think about George Galloway's body and soul too much since that robot-dancing clip, the top ten reality telly earners and guide to surviving Big Brother make entertaining reading.

American Idol's in trouble for too much product placement... don't look up the product though - THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!

- and just when you thought they'd solved a problem like her, they have the Marias show in Canada too, it turns out...

Reality TV news: Jodie's French, Hurley's farm, Kerry's pay-out, baby borrowing

One hopes this airbrushorific shot of Jodie as Marie Antoinette is just the first of many ways she intends to emulate the decapitated revolutionary French Queen.

Liz Hurley's tipped to make a reality show about her life on the farm she runs in Gloucestershire.

Kerry Katona's won a big pay-out from the Sunday Mirror who reported, bafflingly, that she had been a prostitute.

Calum Best's new celibacy-themed reality show is called The Best Is Yet To Come...

...while in a new US reality show - The Baby Borrowers, people actually LEND THEIR KIDS TO TEENAGERS.

Simon Cowell voted top Reality TV villain

It's hard to believe, but in America, Simon Cowell is still genuinely considered to be a baddie. The accent helps, I should think. According to a poll released yesterday, he is America's favourite reality show villain, while fellow American Idol judge Paul Abdul was declared the worst judge in reality tv. Possibly enough to tip her over the edge. "American Idol" itself was voted best reality show on US television, and also bagged the top spot for "hottest hook-up" - with 44 percent of the vote going soppy for "Idol" winner David Cook and former contestant Kimberly Caldwell, who were pictured out on a date together.

Reality TV "I'm not here to make friends" montage

Possibly my fave thing about this clip (which comes from here incidentally) is how LONG it is. Which leads to the disturbing question of how long it took to make. Worth it though, even if he spent his whole life on it. A wonderful legacy to be buried with.

Ant & Dec's US debut is a flop

Ant and Dec's have finally made their big stateside appearance... but their first show has pulled in just four million viewers. The pair's quiz show Wanna Bet! went out on Tuesday night in a primetime slot on ABC.
The disappointing ratings were blamed on the lads being put on after an unpopular show. Yes. That's probably it.

Dec said: "We're looking forward to growing our audience here over the series."
Ant added: "We were very pleased with the first show." The pair will stay in the US until they get kicked out of there as well.

Sarah Jessica Parker art show for Bravo?

SJP, according to some reports, will be bringing an art-themed reality show to US telly. 'American Artist' has been described as an art version of 'Project Runway' - you wonder why no one's done this before - with artists producing various works to be judged by a panel of experts. Presumably it's then decided, finally and forever, which is the 'best' piece of art. Quite where old Carrie Bradshaw fits into all this we're not sure. Maybe she's a life model.

SJP fans should check out this article about all the millions of other things she's doing these days; we do love her here at Panto, but at the end of the day we're just interested in the reality telly.

New US reality show will make you Hurl!

Stephen King predicted horrific reality shows like The Running Man for a 21st century dystopia. But the future turned out to be even scarier than he foresaw. It's 2008 and what have we got? We've got a new show which involves people stuffing themselves then trying not to be sick in the hope of winning some money. The biggest eaters are rolled around in metal rings until they throw up. I swear I am not making this up. What's it all for? £500, and the glamour, presumably. If you've been running low on puke puns lately, stock up over on the Hurl website, and there's a trailer over the page...

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Last Comic Standing: two Brits in last 12?

British comedians Jim Tavare and Paul Foot have made it to the final 12 of US reality show Last Comic Standing. The comics will join others living in the Big Brother-style house (but funnier, presumably) and stand-ups will be pitted against each other, with an act voted out every week.

A fair few UK comedians were flown out to take part but not all made it through. The mighty Stephen K Amos, and slightly less mighty Shazia Mirza cleared the first heat but won't be going into the house.

The producers are rightly secretive about who got through, but according to US website Shecky, the 12 acts will include Canadian Sean Cullen - once part of the musical comedy act Corky And The Juice Pigs, and UK-based Phil Nichol.

America's Got Talent: watch 'Busty Heart'

Ah, it's great to see Sharon again, isn't it? The act, on the other hand, is not so good to see. But you have to watch this. It's the train of thought that led to this act that's the really interesting thing. At some point this woman realised she had unusually weighty breasts and this is the exact thing that crossed her mind: "Brilliant! Now I can finally make my millions by SMASHING STUFF UP WITH MY BOOBS".

Remember Nigel Lythgoe?

The Independent does. He's on their new list of UK stars who've cracked the states. Also featured are reality show regulars Cat Deeley, Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsay and Conrad Green who's worked on Big Brother and Dancing With The Stars. (Reality shows are big exports.) Nigel Lythgoe was 'nasty Nigel' in Popstars, helped to launch American Idol, and now works on So You Think You Can Dance. Have a look at the clip below and see if it doesn't trigger a few mem'ries...

Bit like the lovechild of Simon Cowell and Michael Crawford?

Madonna's brother plans reality show

Madonna has a brother? Does she know? Whoever he really is, someone called Christopher Ciccone is planning a reality show about being Madonna's sibling. The 47-year-old TV chef is approaching networks about a show that will detail his life as Madonna's sibling. A source said: "He hasn't gotten a deal yet, but he's been pitching it around."

The pair are no longer close. In the early '90s, however, Ciccone was artistic director for 1991 documentary In Bed With Madonna, and worked on the popstar's Blonde Ambition and The Girlie Show Tour. Ciccone's recently signed a book deal with Simon & Schuster to publish a revealing memoir about his sister - without her approval. Poor Maddy. But at least we know her real surname now.

America's Got Talent: Derrick Barry

Nice to see Sharon's still getting work. Less excited to see Piers Morgan there... but what do we think of Derrick the Britney impersonator? Certainly Shazzer looks surprised, and it takes a lot to shock her. He has rather a stronger jawline than Britney but, weirdly, is a fair bit prettier. Just my opinion. Piers is the only one to buzz Derrick out, but he left it so late that one suspects he was conflicted between the desperate desire to see it through to the end and the abject fear of turning a bit gay.