She doesn't listen, she doesn't read faces, she interrupts, she talks at people, she defends herself too much... But on the other hand, AWWW SHE LOOKS LIKE A ICKLE PRINCESS. Whaddaya reckon? Fair enough, then? Or are we just baffled that Michael's still there?
I believe it was Nancy Banks Smith in the Guardian who pointed out this likeness, and there's definitely something there, isn't there? Does that make Sir Alan the genie? Or Jafar? Poor Sara got the boot on yesterday's show, so would probably err on the side of Jafar. Well, hang in there, kid, one day your prince will come.
Couldn't resist the exclamation mark. This is the world we have created, folks. I hope we're proud of ourselves. The Prime Minister could be heading up a new reality show, part-apprentice, part-Strictly, part-craziest thing you ever heard. Plans for a TV show for young politicians are being championed by Communities Secretary Hazel Blears and were leaked prematurely when someone, I swear, took a photo of the memo over her shoulder.
They're talking about calling it Junior PM, and Gordon Brown, who I guess has nothing better to do, would play the Alan Sugar/Andrew Lloyd Webber role. The email in this picture (man, aren't you embarrassed FOR her?) was sent by youth worker Miss McCabe to Miss Blears' special adviser Andy Bagnall.
Can you see it, too? Tell me you can see it. Well, watch for it tonight, when the team will be selling wedding dresses, and Raef dresses up as a giant bear. Say what you like about Sir Alan, you'd never catch him dressing up as a bear. Hedgehog, maybe. Exotic fruit? Definitely. He's succulent, slightly sour, and rich (in vitamin C).
Has the Isle of Man really changed their name to "Isle of Sam" in honour of Sam Barks? And aren't they overdue another invasion, anyway? Thinking about it, she's got a whole island of nationalistic manxies on her side - there's a good chance that could help her win. Join the debate here (and ask yourself, yes, it's publicity for the IoM... but is it really good publicity?)
As Big Brother fever sweeps the nation (oh is it that time again already? Sorry, I was asleep, etc) look what I found for you! It's Jonty! Doing a virtual museum tour! Come on, click on it. Call yourself a BB fan? WATCH IT.
Morbid reading, but oddly fascinating: The Mirror brings us a list of reality show deaths...
According to rejected hopeful Jenny Celerier, of course. Jenny told a radio show yesterday: "I did notice when he got on to his chair he did do a sort of little jump to get on to it. It's like one of those children." Sugar's about 5 foot 6, small for a man but hardly a midget? When Virgin Radio breakfast host Christian O'Connell asked if Jenny meant that he used a booster seat, she replied: "I'm saying he might do!"
Pun fans will be pleased to hear The Sun went with this headline: "You're Highered".
I'm sorry, but this is just creepy. The dark bob, the embarrassed little smile, the penchant for using reality shows to boost their careers... Could Kym and Jennifer be related? I think we should be told.
Yes, it seems Surrrrrrrrrralan has finally got sick of all the manipulativeness and game-playing that seems to be going on this series. Well, he's not the only one. (But seriously, if it bothers you that much, er, like... don't make a reality show?)
They were tasked with buying stuff from a Marrakesh market this week. After kicking Celerier off, big Al turned to the other team members and said: "Right, who's next?" Jesus. You can practically hear the blood freezing in their veins. Jennifer was booted off for game-playing. Celerier later told the Daily Mail: " A lot of people like the idea of Alpha females but in reality they find us difficult to deal with." What do you think? And more to the point - is it all going to be really dull from now on? Entertaining clip from spin-off show You're Fired over the hop...
Eesh, I take one day off, and look what happens.
1. News emerges that Claire was so desperate to be on telly she's been through three Big Brother auditions. "The last thing she wants is for Sir Alan to discover she's a fame-seeker."
I'm sure the fact she's applying for a job via oh, uh, THE BBC won't give him any clues.
The latest Apprentice reject Kevin Shaw has attempted to impress a group of girls with the boast that he loves having sex in his Porsche. With a woman, presumably, not the hand-brake or anything.
One girl said: "Kevin started boasting about his Porsche. I asked him if he'd had sex in it and he said he had." The 17 year old claims she tried to kiss Kevin, but he stopped her. Kevin said: "It was nice to be recognised and I'll admit I was showing off a bit. One of the girls tried to shove her tongue down my throat. She was up for more, but I refused as I'm loyal to my car girlfriend."
Meanwhile Michael Sophocles, according to The Sun, took one of the girl's friends down a nearby alley in Windsor, Berkshire. Seedy? Well, it's easy to make snap judgements but if we're honest, I think we've all been there. Berkshire, I mean.
The idea was dreadful, the pitch appalling. They only sold 6,000 cards, against Alpha's 22,500. But still - aw, poor little Kev. Don't feel too bad for him, though. It sounds like he might have a lucrative career ahead of him as a Daffyd impersonator.
Tonight's ep of The Apprentice looks good. The hopefuls have to come up with a new occasion for greetings cards and persuade Clintons Cards, Celebrations and Tesco to sell their creations.
Team Alpha decides to go with Raef's idea (look here if you want to know what it was). Put in charge of the pitch, Raef says: "The spoken word is my tool. The art of sales relies heavily on the ability to be able to communicate efficiently and the ability to persuade - and those are two abilities I have up to full capacity."
Up to full capacity, huh? Well, he's persuaded me.
The Apprentice is on BBC One tonight at 9pm.
