Product news: Jade's odours, Jordan's bed and that Indie band from Dragon's Den

It makes you wonder how many smells this woman is capable of generating. Jade Goody has launched yet another 'scent', the unromantically-named "Controversial". She can't spell her own smell.

Jordan has a new bedding range (for kids? Hopefully. Look at it!) - and a couple of pipe-cleaners for legs according to that picture.

... while the band who prised £75,000 out of the clutches of the Dragon's (Den) have released a new single. 'The Girl I Love' came out week and is now available to download on iTunes.

Reality TV news: Jodie's French, Hurley's farm, Kerry's pay-out, baby borrowing

One hopes this airbrushorific shot of Jodie as Marie Antoinette is just the first of many ways she intends to emulate the decapitated revolutionary French Queen.

Liz Hurley's tipped to make a reality show about her life on the farm she runs in Gloucestershire.

Kerry Katona's won a big pay-out from the Sunday Mirror who reported, bafflingly, that she had been a prostitute.

Calum Best's new celibacy-themed reality show is called The Best Is Yet To Come...

...while in a new US reality show - The Baby Borrowers, people actually LEND THEIR KIDS TO TEENAGERS.

Reality TV round-up: Lembit Opik's heartbreak, Gordon's close shave, cooking Kittens, Ross's 'Appwentice'

The Lembit/Cheeky crisis continues, with rumours that he wants his House of Commons pass back, and Cheeky Mum Margit is still smarting after he proposed without asking her permission (it's the Estonian way).

Gordon Ramsay nearly drowned while filming the F Word in Iceland. Nearly drowned? What does that even mean? I 'nearly drowned' in the bath this morning. Luckily I was saved. By NOT DROWNING.

Funny-faced Atomic Kitten Liz McLarnon won Celebrity Masterchef, in case you hadn't heard.

...and rumour has it that Jonathan Ross will join Alan Carr and Johnny Vegas in surely the least efficient ever Celebrity Apprentice, next March.

Ant & Dec's US debut is a flop

Ant and Dec's have finally made their big stateside appearance... but their first show has pulled in just four million viewers. The pair's quiz show Wanna Bet! went out on Tuesday night in a primetime slot on ABC.
The disappointing ratings were blamed on the lads being put on after an unpopular show. Yes. That's probably it.

Dec said: "We're looking forward to growing our audience here over the series."
Ant added: "We were very pleased with the first show." The pair will stay in the US until they get kicked out of there as well.

Bobby Davro to appear on 'I'm a celebrity: get me out of here'?

The Star might not always be the most reliable source of hard news around, but it's never wrong about I'm a Celebrity rumours. Oh, wait. Yes. Yes, it is. That's what it's wrong about the most, in fact. And if we're honest, we're kind of hoping it's wrong about this one. Annoying comic-turned-Eastenders actor Bobby Davro might be in line for the next series of the jungle reality show. Reports at the weekend hinted Davro had quit the soap for a new project. He's also AVAILABLE FOR PANTO (cheer now) after being rumoured to appear in one this Christmas. Last week the comedian said: "I have had a fantastic year with EastEnders and made lots of friends. I hope to be back at some point."

Apprentice Claire Young walked out of Big Brother

Ahhh, another beautiful synthesis story of two popular reality shows. Apprentice 'rottweiler' Claire claims to have got through several rounds of Big Brother auditions before walking off.

"I watched one series and my friends said let's try for it, but I was the only one who got through. I went through two rounds of interviews and then pulled out. I just thought: 'I haven't met one person in this audition that I'd want to have a cup of tea with'."

Yes, because Big Brother is all about everyone getting along famously, isn't it? Well, maybe not that famously...

Big Brother Kat and Mohamed: get them out?

Everyone loves Kat, riiii? Wro. She may be the bookies' fave, but she wasn't popular with Big Brother when she broke house rules yesterday. Kat and Mo nicked some bananas during the Hanging Around task and Big Brother ordered them to pack their bags. The softies changed their mind after Kat turned on the waterworks, and they lived to see another day.

The Channel 4 site's message boards are less sympathetic, however, with fans demanding - possibly rightly - that they both get kicked out.

One post read: "Mo and Kat, bye, bye. Kick both out. Simple, don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Another comment, presumably from a high court judge, rules that they are "gilty on both counts". What do you reckon? Is BB being soft on them cos they're popular?

Damages paid to Jan Stanek patient

I've always thought there was something dodgy about 10 Years Younger plastic surgeon Jan Stanek. That accent. The idea that someone who could have any face in the world would choose that one. He has a real whiff of the evil supervillain about him, behind a veneer of avuncular pleasantry, of course. They're always so charming to begin with, aren't they? Then they start prodding at your eye bags.

So it was no great shock to hear that he's in the middle of some legal strife after a woman had a stroke during a face lift operation. He's also being sued by TV's Kate Silverton, who reckons laser treatment left her too puffy-faced to return to work.

Kerry Katona says rehab is 'like Butlins'

Obviously the temptation to ask in what sense? is just too great. Is Paul Shane there now? Katona's last trip to rehab was in March, when she was heavily pregnant and citing "depression". Because, of course, rehab's sure to cheer up even the gloomiest celeb. In her upcoming MTV one-off called *shudder* "Kerry Katona: The After Birth" she'll discuss how she uses The Priory to "recharge". She insists: "It had nothing to do with drink or drugs. It's like a holiday camp at The Priory, it's like going to Butlins for the weekend." Butlins is cheaper, you know.

The show airs on July 27 at 9pm.

Lembit and Gabriela - is it really over?

I literally cannot bear the thought, but the mean press are having a field day as rumours emerge that the couple haven't spoken for weeks. Yes, they were bizarre. Sure, they were cheesy. But what was in it, for either of them, if not true love? He proposed to her by the Trevi fountain in Rome. He called her his "intellectual equal", (which could be true actually, looking at the pair of them.) Was it the age gap? Was it because he took her to the science museum? Lembit has raved about the fascinating conversations the two would get into: "One evening, for instance, we discussed the concept of a perfect circle, as a geometric challenge." Gabriela's contribution was, presumably, her bum. But seriously, hands off, Gabby love. he sounds great. I'll marry him.

Luke's got a secret girlfriend!

Well, I don't know what to think! Am I disappointed? Or just... incredibly surprised? I'm a big Luke fan, as you know, but the idea of him having any kind of secret - and if I'm honest, any kind of girlfriend - is just a bit much to take. Luke told Bex, Sara and Stuart that he'd been seeing a girl for two months before going into the house. His parents had met her, but she didn't know he was coming on the show. The deceit!

Luke said: "It's not as if I was dating her for two years - we'd been to Pizza Hut a few times!"

"That's enough for the papers, going to Pizza Hut," said Mikey, helpfully.

"I don't think I'm gonna get hammered in the press for that," said Luke. "If anything they'll hate you, Rebecca, not me." Alright, steady on love rat.

Raef: Rejected by The Apprentice - embraced by Richard and Judy

Despite his mediocre effort at interviewing a rambunctious Vanessa Feltz on their eponymous show, Richard and Judy have apparently seen fit to offer Raef Bjayou a regular presenting gig.

A source told the Sunday Mirror: "Raef is thrilled with the Richard and Judy deal. He's never shied away from the fact that The Apprentice launched his career, but he is keen to carve out a name for himself as a presenter, not just a reality TV star."

Which is all very well, but can't do much for his claims to want nothing more than to be Alan Sugar's apprentice. "Work as a businessman alongside the great entrepreneur... or be a presenter on Richard and Judy. Whatever, really. I just want to be on telly." He didn't say.