Reality TV news: Cheeky Girls' engagement, Matt cheated on Flavia, Myleene felt fat in bikini

Heatworld insists you HAVE to see these pictures from Lembit and Gabriela's engagement party. But I checked, and it turns out you don't.

There's a reality tv story intersection to beat them all, featuring as it does Strictly's Matt di Angelo, his dancing lover Flavia, Michelle from Liberty X, and the Daily Mail using the phrase "love rat".

And hold the front page! I have some breaking news you NEED to know before proceeding with your humdrum life... Apparently Myleene Klass felt fat in THAT bikini. No, rather misleadingly - not that one, that one.

Vanessa Feltz was there when Lembit & Gabriela first met

It's not your conventional rose-scented fairy tale at the best of times, but now that a third larger-than-life character has entered the frame, the story of a Cheeky Girl and an adulterous politician has just become even more appetite destroying.

Now, don't get me wrong. In many ways, Vanessa Feltz is deeply loveable. But Vanessa as voyeur? Vanessa as third wheel in the world's seediest love story, pressing her ample self between a pair in the grip of forbidden passions? Pushes plate away. Not hungry any more, somehow. Thanks though.

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David Gest... the musical?

Every so often, a story comes along that makes a reality show blogger do a tiny dribble of excitement on her keyboard andclogupthespacebar. David Gest and Peter Andre (or Peter Andrew, as my fingers insist on typing) are going to be performing together in a new touring musical. Beginning in Wolverhampton, the show will be on at the Civic Hall - and will be all about Gest's life. Join me in praying that Andre is playing the young Gest. The show's called David Gest...My Life!, and kicks off on October 7.

Also in the show are 'celebrity' friends, The New Stylistics, Freda Payne, Shalamar, rapper Coolio and Billy Payne. Why are you still here? Hurry! Get your tickets now before they're all snapped up!

Jade Goody burgled again

Oh Jade. Try to remember to lock the bloody door. This is the third time Ms Goody has been burgled recently, and this time they took £50,000 worth of stuff. Thieves took loads of her jewels, including a Tiffany necklace and earring set, five designer watches and a diamond bracelet.

Jade said suspicions were aroused when she heard a noise from upstairs, "I went to investigate with Batman (don't get too excited - it's her dog) but there was no one there," explained Jade. She said she was simply relieved that her two boys weren't in the house at the time, admitting, "I dread to think what would have happened if the thieves had still been in the house." A friend said: "Her bedroom with a mess and there were muddy footprints everywhere." But still the thieves weren't put off.

Is Preston engaged AGAIN?

Hey, anything's possible. Heat has come across this picture where it looks like The Ordinary Boys singer's new girlf is wearing a ring on her 'ring finger'. Well, join the dots on that one. A ring... on the fourth finger... what else could it possibly mean?

Preston, you'll recall, was engaged to lovely Camille, went on a reality show and met Chantelle, dumped Camille, went off with Chantelle, married Chantelle, dumped Chantelle, went off with new mystery girlfriend and possibly got engaged to her. I know, it's that old, old story.

Now ladies, please explain: what's the attraction? He's alright, but he's no Maggot surely.

Jacksons really are moving to Devon

Wind the windows up and put the childlocks on when you drive through Devon... I'm afraid it's really happening. This week, the first members of the Jackson clan moved into a four-bedroom rented house in Appledore, Devon.

First in are Tito and Jackie (they're the old ones) - cross them off your Jackson-spotting chart. "They seemed quite out of place walking along the seafront," a local resident ponders: "It's not every day you see a celebrity in Appledore." Well, let me know when it happens.

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TV:am presenters reunion

How about a heartwarming story for a Friday afternoon? Reality TV regular Anne Diamond is getting back together with her old TV:am team to recreate some of the old breakfast magic. Anne Diamond and Nick Owen will be doing a stint on radio, for BBC London's breakfast show, and will be joined by Wincey Willis and "Mad" Lizzie Webb.

Willis will read the weather, while Webb will give exercise tips to listeners. BBC London 94.9FM hopes to capitalise on the current wave of nostalgia and Diamond and Owen are booked for four days - next Tuesday to next Friday - but the radio station hinted that if the show's a hit they may get an extended slot. Your correspondent advises against breath-holding.

Chanelle's pop career: Ziggy doesn't hold back

Once again, Panto would like to remind you that these opinions are reported, and are not necessarily our own. The rather sad fact is, Chanelle Hayes' debut single has sold just 2,000 copies and made it to number 63 in the charts.

Ex-boyfriend Ziggy has no qualms about mocking the girl. "It's laughable really," he said. "We all thought it would bomb and it has. You have to give her a bit of credit for giving it a go, though. I saw the video of Chanelle having sex with a gopher and it was terrible. I'm glad the whole saga with Chanelle and I is over. She thinks she's better than everyone else and is not in touch with anyone from Big Brother any more. She used to be friends with the twins, but she's even shut them off now."
What do you think? Harsh, but fair? Or just harsh?

News round-up: Sam's debate, Jonty's tour, Reality TV deaths

Has the Isle of Man really changed their name to "Isle of Sam" in honour of Sam Barks? And aren't they overdue another invasion, anyway? Thinking about it, she's got a whole island of nationalistic manxies on her side - there's a good chance that could help her win. Join the debate here (and ask yourself, yes, it's publicity for the IoM... but is it really good publicity?)


As Big Brother fever sweeps the nation (oh is it that time again already? Sorry, I was asleep, etc) look what I found for you! It's Jonty! Doing a virtual museum tour! Come on, click on it. Call yourself a BB fan? WATCH IT.


Morbid reading, but oddly fascinating: The Mirror brings us a list of reality show deaths...

Reality TV news round-up: Chantelle's dress? American Idol's mess? X Factor for the US?

Over the pond, Brooke White's gone. David Archuleta, David Cook, Jason Castro and Syesha Mercado battle it out for the American Idol crown.

Speaking of America, US hacks ask "are we ready for The X Factor? As American Idol viewing figures continue to plunge, could importing the more successful Cowell show be the answer?

It's been a bad week for Darius "Pop Idol" Danesh, as Trevor Nunn's Gone With The Wind opens in the West End to a critical battering. I had high hopes for this and I honestly can't bear to repeat what they've been saying about it (but that link will give you all you need.)

And we'll all have an excuse to do our mogwai voice again in a few weeks ("Bright light! Bright light!" come on, it can't just be me) - as Dragon's Den star Peter Jones is going to be starring in an advert, surrounded by Gremlins.

Oh and Chantelle, do you know what time it is? That's right, it's time for a new look.

New film: Killing The Cheeky Girls

Well as the one they call "the third cheeky girl" I am of course biased... but this new reality-tv themed movie sounds amazing. Press release and video clip over the hop. Warning: THE PRESS RELEASE COMPLETELY GIVES AWAY THE PLOT. You were warned.

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Aisleyne to release autobiography

Hmm. So, right, what do we know about Aisleyne? Recently spotted at Amy Winehouse's... wine house. Horrible clothing range. Hangs around with Charlie Brooker. Right. Your go.

But if I ask you what we want to know about the woman, the list is even shorter. There's more than enough information about Aisleyne in the world and in our heads. So WHY OH WHY is she releasing an autobiography?

The model and fashion designer, who finished in third place on the 2006 series, sold the rights to her book to Mainstream Publishing for a "high five figure sum". (Oh come now, don't be so coy.) The book, intriguingly-titled Witness Surviving Guns, Gangs and Glamour will tell the story of Aisleyne's troubled childhood and teenage years, her early career as a glamour model, and her time on Big Brother.

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