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Shit Lookalikes: Preston and a Victorian bather

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Does this man's self-belief know no limits? Ordinary Boys frontman and Chantelle divorcee Preston has stepped out in what appears to be a gentleman's bathing suit from the late 1800s. Alas, on this picture we can't see how far the costume extends, but I'm assuming it's a full 'one piece' with skin-tight legs.

Reality TV links: George Galloway's soul, American Idol in trouble, Canadian Marias

gallo.jpgThe Observer had a whole reality tv special in its magazine at the weekend. While we might not want to think about George Galloway's body and soul too much since that robot-dancing clip, the top ten reality telly earners and guide to surviving Big Brother make entertaining reading.

American Idol's in trouble for too much product placement... don't look up the product though - THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!

- and just when you thought they'd solved a problem like her, they have the Marias show in Canada too, it turns out...

Big Brother news: Bex snogs Mo, truth or dare, Mario's delusions

mario.jpgSo Luke's down in the dumps after Bex snogged Mohamed! The plot thickens, but she sure can pick 'em...

There was a 'revealing game of truth or dare' last night, Bex thinks she's going tonight. Luke thinks he's going next week. Kat and Rachel both named Luke as the person they'd least like to see win.

...and in that parallel universe outside the house, where evictees live alongside Rose Tyler and the half-human Doctor, terrifying alien monster Mario has been signed up for the judging panel of Nuts TV's Babe Search 2008. He says he seems himself as "the Simon Cowell of the modelling industry." Bit premature, considering he hasn't done anything yet. Ever.

Lembit and Gabriela - is it really over?

lemgab.jpgI literally cannot bear the thought, but the mean press are having a field day as rumours emerge that the couple haven't spoken for weeks. Yes, they were bizarre. Sure, they were cheesy. But what was in it, for either of them, if not true love? He proposed to her by the Trevi fountain in Rome. He called her his "intellectual equal", (which could be true actually, looking at the pair of them.) Was it the age gap? Was it because he took her to the science museum? Lembit has raved about the fascinating conversations the two would get into: "One evening, for instance, we discussed the concept of a perfect circle, as a geometric challenge." Gabriela's contribution was, presumably, her bum. But seriously, hands off, Gabby love. he sounds great. I'll marry him.

New shows for Jade Goody and Kerry Katona

jgo1.jpgJade has been wandering the wilderness of television for 40 days and 40 nights thinking about what she did wrong, but you'll be thrilled to hear she has finally returned to us - with newfound wisdom and a resplendent beard. She's got her own show on Living TV, and it's called "Living with Jade Goody".

An insider supposedly said: "There is a definite thirst for Jade among TV audiences. This show will give her fans a hilarious insight into Jade's life. She's paid her dues as far as the BB thing is concerned so we're glad to have her back." Ah yes! "The BB thing". So euphemistic, it's almost beautiful.

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Cheeky Girl Monica - looking for love

cheeky.jpgAw, they get cheekier by the day, these two. If you missed 'Living With The Cheeky Girls' last night, you can watch a clip right about here. If you missed them on Richard and Judy last night, however, I can fill you in.

The other Cheeky, the one who hasn't done Lembit Opik, Cheeky II, Cheeky Monica, is currently single, and apparently there's nothing worse than being a single, hot, 25-year-old female. So Richard and Judy lined up three mediocre middle aged men with something a bit wrong with them and got her to 'speed date' live, in a back room, during the show. Poor old Monica had to choose one of these guys, and picked the hair-dresser, whose reaction suggested he'd been told she would be having sex with him imminently. Monica was more subdued.

Reality TV news: Cheeky Girls' engagement, Matt cheated on Flavia, Myleene felt fat in bikini

lemsip.jpgHeatworld insists you HAVE to see these pictures from Lembit and Gabriela's engagement party. But I checked, and it turns out you don't.

There's a reality tv story intersection to beat them all, featuring as it does Strictly's Matt di Angelo, his dancing lover Flavia, Michelle from Liberty X, and the Daily Mail using the phrase "love rat".

And hold the front page! I have some breaking news you NEED to know before proceeding with your humdrum life... Apparently Myleene Klass felt fat in THAT bikini. No, rather misleadingly - not that one, that one.

Vanessa Feltz was there when Lembit & Gabriela first met

vf.jpgIt's not your conventional rose-scented fairy tale at the best of times, but now that a third larger-than-life character has entered the frame, the story of a Cheeky Girl and an adulterous politician has just become even more appetite destroying.

Now, don't get me wrong. In many ways, Vanessa Feltz is deeply loveable. But Vanessa as voyeur? Vanessa as third wheel in the world's seediest love story, pressing her ample self between a pair in the grip of forbidden passions? Pushes plate away. Not hungry any more, somehow. Thanks though.

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David Gest... the musical?

dgest.jpgEvery so often, a story comes along that makes a reality show blogger do a tiny dribble of excitement on her keyboard andclogupthespacebar. David Gest and Peter Andre (or Peter Andrew, as my fingers insist on typing) are going to be performing together in a new touring musical. Beginning in Wolverhampton, the show will be on at the Civic Hall - and will be all about Gest's life. Join me in praying that Andre is playing the young Gest. The show's called David Gest...My Life!, and kicks off on October 7.

Also in the show are 'celebrity' friends, The New Stylistics, Freda Payne, Shalamar, rapper Coolio and Billy Payne. Why are you still here? Hurry! Get your tickets now before they're all snapped up!

Jade Goody burgled again

jg1.jpgOh Jade. Try to remember to lock the bloody door. This is the third time Ms Goody has been burgled recently, and this time they took £50,000 worth of stuff. Thieves took loads of her jewels, including a Tiffany necklace and earring set, five designer watches and a diamond bracelet.

Jade said suspicions were aroused when she heard a noise from upstairs, "I went to investigate with Batman (don't get too excited - it's her dog) but there was no one there," explained Jade. She said she was simply relieved that her two boys weren't in the house at the time, admitting, "I dread to think what would have happened if the thieves had still been in the house." A friend said: "Her bedroom with a mess and there were muddy footprints everywhere." But still the thieves weren't put off.

Is Preston engaged AGAIN?

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Hey, anything's possible. Heat has come across this picture where it looks like The Ordinary Boys singer's new girlf is wearing a ring on her 'ring finger'. Well, join the dots on that one. A ring... on the fourth finger... what else could it possibly mean?

Preston, you'll recall, was engaged to lovely Camille, went on a reality show and met Chantelle, dumped Camille, went off with Chantelle, married Chantelle, dumped Chantelle, went off with new mystery girlfriend and possibly got engaged to her. I know, it's that old, old story.

Now ladies, please explain: what's the attraction? He's alright, but he's no Maggot surely.

Jacksons really are moving to Devon

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Wind the windows up and put the childlocks on when you drive through Devon... I'm afraid it's really happening. This week, the first members of the Jackson clan moved into a four-bedroom rented house in Appledore, Devon.

First in are Tito and Jackie (they're the old ones) - cross them off your Jackson-spotting chart. "They seemed quite out of place walking along the seafront," a local resident ponders: "It's not every day you see a celebrity in Appledore." Well, let me know when it happens.

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