Big Brother: Maysoon quits!

The question on all our lips is.... will anyone notice? Model Maysoon has walked out after a day of complaining she wasn't having fun. Viewers who've already voted for her will get a full refund, although I'm not sure why - surely they're the ones who are most happy with this turn of events? Big Brother should reimburse everyone who hasn't decided who they'd like to see go this week or indeed whether they even want to vote. People like me.

So, here's the obituary bit...

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Big Brother: new bullying claims - and time Rex left?

I have an exciting new bullying row for you. Rachel broke down in tears last night after housemates, led by Rex, laid into her. She was ready to quit as she sobbed in the Diary Room, and The Star reports that 'legions of viewers' think it's time producers stepped in. Rachel's been branded a "fake" a "liar" and perhaps most mysteriously, a "sell-out". Rachel is many things. Not all of them good. But a sell out? I'm sure all that will come - but for now, she's still in the house. She's barely even sold in.

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Reality TV news: Jodie's French, Hurley's farm, Kerry's pay-out, baby borrowing

One hopes this airbrushorific shot of Jodie as Marie Antoinette is just the first of many ways she intends to emulate the decapitated revolutionary French Queen.

Liz Hurley's tipped to make a reality show about her life on the farm she runs in Gloucestershire.

Kerry Katona's won a big pay-out from the Sunday Mirror who reported, bafflingly, that she had been a prostitute.

Calum Best's new celibacy-themed reality show is called The Best Is Yet To Come...

...while in a new US reality show - The Baby Borrowers, people actually LEND THEIR KIDS TO TEENAGERS.

Reality TV round-up: Lembit Opik's heartbreak, Gordon's close shave, cooking Kittens, Ross's 'Appwentice'

The Lembit/Cheeky crisis continues, with rumours that he wants his House of Commons pass back, and Cheeky Mum Margit is still smarting after he proposed without asking her permission (it's the Estonian way).

Gordon Ramsay nearly drowned while filming the F Word in Iceland. Nearly drowned? What does that even mean? I 'nearly drowned' in the bath this morning. Luckily I was saved. By NOT DROWNING.

Funny-faced Atomic Kitten Liz McLarnon won Celebrity Masterchef, in case you hadn't heard.

...and rumour has it that Jonathan Ross will join Alan Carr and Johnny Vegas in surely the least efficient ever Celebrity Apprentice, next March.

Big Brother news: Bex snogs Mo, truth or dare, Mario's delusions

So Luke's down in the dumps after Bex snogged Mohamed! The plot thickens, but she sure can pick 'em...

There was a 'revealing game of truth or dare' last night, Bex thinks she's going tonight. Luke thinks he's going next week. Kat and Rachel both named Luke as the person they'd least like to see win.

...and in that parallel universe outside the house, where evictees live alongside Rose Tyler and the half-human Doctor, terrifying alien monster Mario has been signed up for the judging panel of Nuts TV's Babe Search 2008. He says he seems himself as "the Simon Cowell of the modelling industry." Bit premature, considering he hasn't done anything yet. Ever.

Simon Cowell voted top Reality TV villain

It's hard to believe, but in America, Simon Cowell is still genuinely considered to be a baddie. The accent helps, I should think. According to a poll released yesterday, he is America's favourite reality show villain, while fellow American Idol judge Paul Abdul was declared the worst judge in reality tv. Possibly enough to tip her over the edge. "American Idol" itself was voted best reality show on US television, and also bagged the top spot for "hottest hook-up" - with 44 percent of the vote going soppy for "Idol" winner David Cook and former contestant Kimberly Caldwell, who were pictured out on a date together.

Big Brother: Housemates bitch about Rachel

Poor Rachel. I know she's WELL annoying, but is she really a monster in disguise, like the Hulk? It seems impossible, but the housemates are convinced.

The Heaven-based housemates had a good bitch about her last night, deciding she must be a 'fake'. Luke said she was "the biggest game player in here" - a mite rich, coming from him - adding "I'm convinced when she goes into the Diary Room she slags us all off. She has no problem nominating whatsoever."

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Big Brother Poll: who should go this Friday?

Oh Big Brother, just take all of them. Darnell, Bex and Mohamed are ALL up for eviction this Friday.

The housemates moved into the Garden Area where Bex told the others: "I knew it was gonna be three people and it was exactly as I predicted." Brrr! Creepy. Say Bex, anything in your crystal ball there about you and Luke??

Now, you know what I'm going to ask... don't you? Who should go? Vote over the turn...

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Bobby Davro to appear on 'I'm a celebrity: get me out of here'?

The Star might not always be the most reliable source of hard news around, but it's never wrong about I'm a Celebrity rumours. Oh, wait. Yes. Yes, it is. That's what it's wrong about the most, in fact. And if we're honest, we're kind of hoping it's wrong about this one. Annoying comic-turned-Eastenders actor Bobby Davro might be in line for the next series of the jungle reality show. Reports at the weekend hinted Davro had quit the soap for a new project. He's also AVAILABLE FOR PANTO (cheer now) after being rumoured to appear in one this Christmas. Last week the comedian said: "I have had a fantastic year with EastEnders and made lots of friends. I hope to be back at some point."

Big Brother Flirt Alert: Luke and Bex - a second smooch?

You could be forgiven for thinking that the only bits of Big Brother I have any interest in at all are the ones that feature these two characters. I'm sorry fans of Dale, Maysoon, etc, I just can't help my obsession with this pair.

They really are the best, aren't they? Check out this clip of them and see if you don't just want to squidge them both together on that chair to make one big Lu-becca creature. Sounds like they might have had another little clinch, and they're still denying any romance... but are they protesting a tad too much?

Apprentice Claire Young walked out of Big Brother

Ahhh, another beautiful synthesis story of two popular reality shows. Apprentice 'rottweiler' Claire claims to have got through several rounds of Big Brother auditions before walking off.

"I watched one series and my friends said let's try for it, but I was the only one who got through. I went through two rounds of interviews and then pulled out. I just thought: 'I haven't met one person in this audition that I'd want to have a cup of tea with'."

Yes, because Big Brother is all about everyone getting along famously, isn't it? Well, maybe not that famously...

Sarah Jessica Parker art show for Bravo?

SJP, according to some reports, will be bringing an art-themed reality show to US telly. 'American Artist' has been described as an art version of 'Project Runway' - you wonder why no one's done this before - with artists producing various works to be judged by a panel of experts. Presumably it's then decided, finally and forever, which is the 'best' piece of art. Quite where old Carrie Bradshaw fits into all this we're not sure. Maybe she's a life model.

SJP fans should check out this article about all the millions of other things she's doing these days; we do love her here at Panto, but at the end of the day we're just interested in the reality telly.