Remember when Jordan and Kerry were kind of cute and adorable? Back when men were men and Kerry was a McFadden? When Jordan and Kerry were IN THE JUNGLE TOGETHER? I know, right? Seems like a lifetime ago. But here they are, munching on bush cockroaches, before the curse of the jungle, and Peter Andre, struck...
"Too trashy EVEN for digital telly" - The Sun's words, my capitals. The couple hosted Katie And Peter: Unleashed last autumn on ITV2 and had a two-year contract with the channel.
But when even the guests started dissing the show, bosses pulled the plug. Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger said it was the most ridiculous show she'd been on, and Corrie star Jack P Shepherd called it "a bit crude". A chat show not good enough for a Corrie star, ladies and gentleman.
The 'Insania' singer, (as 'Stv' entertainingly describes Andre) apparently once 'pounced on her' in a horse's stable. Now I don't know if you've ever been in a stable, but they do tend to be full of horse shit. He said: "The funniest place we have had sex would probably be in a stable. The horse wasn't there though, it was just me and Kate." Thought you said the horse wasn't there. Ha, ha.
Peter told More magazine: "Kate always turns me on. She only has to breathe and that's it," (blimey). "Usually, she only has to look at me and it's just, 'Oh God, I fancy her so much!' Even four or five years later I still always look at her and just go, 'Wow. Oh my God you're so hot!' And she is."
Jordan is in demand for the starring role in a Hollywood remake of a classic 1988 vampire movie. What do you think? It's so unlikely, yet somehow... so inevitable.
The internet has really sunk its teeth into the story. An insider told the Daily Star: "It's a very good time to be British in Hollywood and you can't fail to notice Jordan - she knows how to shine. [Original Elvira actress] Cassandra Peterson has been in talks about a remake for some time but didn't want to take on the role again herself... Everyone was at a loss until they spotted Jordan on a gossip website. She just looks perfect and then they discovered she has a penchant for one-liners. She will have to lose the tan, though."
Well, quite.
On the one hand, she's a super-successful business woman with a finger in every pie. On the other, she's annoying, overbearing and a bit naff. There just doesn't seem to be anything to bridge that gap. But Ms Price has been voted an inspiration to women who want to start up their own businesses. More than 1,000 successful businesswomen were polled for Everywoman, and Jordan and Elle McPherson came out as top inspirations.
Piers Morgan's interviewed Paul Potts, and found him to be just the same nice guy that he met a year ago. But with better teeth.
While every straight girl's other secret crush, John Barrowman, has a new series of The Kids Are All Right - the show where superbright kids and adults go head-to-head (we're suckers for this kind of thing). The programme goes out tomorrow, 6.05pm, BBC1, just before his other show, I'd Do Anything. Interview here - did you know he was born in Glasgow?!
Yes, the twosome are going to release a new duets album. I don't know whether you remember their last effort? Call me an old cynic, but I just can't believe that anything that's been through the autotuner and released onto CD will be anywhere near as wonderful as this "playback removed" clip of J&P singing A Whole New World for charity, with their "actual voices" revealed...
I strongly, strongly recommend you watch this.
