Well my friends, we have passed the half-way mark. The housemates are tired. The viewers are tired. Everyone's lost their buddies, their faith in each other, and their mojo. Will Big Brother be brave enough to over-rule viewers votes and evict everyone but Darnell? Who they then leave alone in the house, with the cameras rolling 24/7 until September? Sadly, probably not, but a girl can dream. Cast your play-vote over the page!
The question on all our lips is.... will anyone notice? Model Maysoon has walked out after a day of complaining she wasn't having fun. Viewers who've already voted for her will get a full refund, although I'm not sure why - surely they're the ones who are most happy with this turn of events? Big Brother should reimburse everyone who hasn't decided who they'd like to see go this week or indeed whether they even want to vote. People like me.
So, here's the obituary bit...
Ah, it's always good to hear Big Brother opinions from someone who's clearly never watched the show, but Keith Lemon claims to have been revising for when he has to present "Big Brother's Mouth". Anyway, this clip is pretty funny. "For someone carrying so much timber, she's very 'appy about the fact she's carrying timber" "That Luke - he doesn't know the different between a tuppence and a tallywacker". You get the picture.
I have an exciting new bullying row for you. Rachel broke down in tears last night after housemates, led by Rex, laid into her. She was ready to quit as she sobbed in the Diary Room, and The Star reports that 'legions of viewers' think it's time producers stepped in. Rachel's been branded a "fake" a "liar" and perhaps most mysteriously, a "sell-out". Rachel is many things. Not all of them good. But a sell out? I'm sure all that will come - but for now, she's still in the house. She's barely even sold in.
Big Brother played the Hell housemates' audition clips to the Heaven team last night, and shocked them all with her, um, outrageous antics. For some reason the lads all took a shine to her. Mo said: "I like that Rachel." Mikey called her "a real sexpot", and Rex noted that "She was shaking her hair, pushed her boobs up then turned around and got her bum out."
All of which makes you wonder if they were watching the same video really. Clip over the turn, if you can bear it...
So Luke's down in the dumps after Bex snogged Mohamed! The plot thickens, but she sure can pick 'em...
There was a 'revealing game of truth or dare' last night, Bex thinks she's going tonight. Luke thinks he's going next week. Kat and Rachel both named Luke as the person they'd least like to see win.
...and in that parallel universe outside the house, where evictees live alongside Rose Tyler and the half-human Doctor, terrifying alien monster Mario has been signed up for the judging panel of Nuts TV's Babe Search 2008. He says he seems himself as "the Simon Cowell of the modelling industry." Bit premature, considering he hasn't done anything yet. Ever.
Yes, according to tabloid reports, a 'heart-to-heart that was not shown on TV' took place, where Luke told Bex his girlfriend of six months had never let him kiss her. Fair play to her, in a way. We're not sure we'd let him kiss us, either.
Bex decided Gina had treated Luke badly, and the two housemates are now so close that Big Brother is keeping condoms on standby in case the pair, um, need them.
Oh Big Brother, just take all of them. Darnell, Bex and Mohamed are ALL up for eviction this Friday.
The housemates moved into the Garden Area where Bex told the others: "I knew it was gonna be three people and it was exactly as I predicted." Brrr! Creepy. Say Bex, anything in your crystal ball there about you and Luke??
Now, you know what I'm going to ask... don't you? Who should go? Vote over the turn...
You could be forgiven for thinking that the only bits of Big Brother I have any interest in at all are the ones that feature these two characters. I'm sorry fans of Dale, Maysoon, etc, I just can't help my obsession with this pair.
They really are the best, aren't they? Check out this clip of them and see if you don't just want to squidge them both together on that chair to make one big Lu-becca creature. Sounds like they might have had another little clinch, and they're still denying any romance... but are they protesting a tad too much?
Everyone loves Kat, riiii? Wro. She may be the bookies' fave, but she wasn't popular with Big Brother when she broke house rules yesterday. Kat and Mo nicked some bananas during the Hanging Around task and Big Brother ordered them to pack their bags. The softies changed their mind after Kat turned on the waterworks, and they lived to see another day.
The Channel 4 site's message boards are less sympathetic, however, with fans demanding - possibly rightly - that they both get kicked out.
One post read: "Mo and Kat, bye, bye. Kick both out. Simple, don't do the crime if you can't do the time." Another comment, presumably from a high court judge, rules that they are "gilty on both counts". What do you reckon? Is BB being soft on them cos they're popular?
Oh Belinda, Belinda. We won't really miss you. But you have GOT TO LOVE THE SNORING. I mean, wow! Is she definitely humanoid? Some kind of terrible accident in the lab with a pig, a chainsaw and that dodgy particle transmogrifying machine Jeff Goldblum uses in The Fly? Let's see it again.