Big Brother Alexandra - GET HER OUT

I know, I know, she's not up for eviction, but I feel so strongly about this that I think we should find a way to get her out anyway. Even if it means creating some kind of giant fishing rod with a tasty morsel on the end, and dangling it into the garden.

We've already had one Charley, and we've had plenty of whingers on this show, (Big Brother, honey, you're repeating yourself) - but this one takes the cake. During Day 7's 'electric shock' task, Alex alone decided she couldn't take the pain and removed her suit. Now I don't like any of them much, but this kind of acting up must be punished. I'll be spending this afternoon in Tesco's car park building a giant fishing rod. See you there?

(Watch Alex being told off (again, but it's a classic) over the jump...)

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Big Brother: the chip fight

For those who missed one of the biggest fights so far on this year's BB (and it's been almost a week already, you know), this clip gives you pretty much all the information you need. Oh and stroppy Alex calls Steph 'simple'. Harsh but fair, perhaps. Alex has to go, doesn't she? Or do you like all these fights? Talk to me! Stay with me!

Big Brother Mario's a bully and a fake, says Lisa's Dad

I wonder how long Mario will last. He's had a starring role in Big Brother 9 so far, thanks to the first night 'pretend you're actually going out with this 19 year old blonde' task. But such things can be a mixed blessing. The father of his real girlfriend, Lisa, has come out of the woodwork with some utter gems.

Geoff told the Sunday Mirror: "Mario is nothing but a sleazeball and a bully. Everything about him is fake. His real name's not even Mario. He's called Shaun for God's sake. He just wanted to sound Italian." It's not just Geoff though! His former father-in-law Norman Jackson isn't keen, either. The father of Mario's ex-wife said: "I always thought he was a complete k***head. I have nothing but contempt for him." It took a while for me to get that (kock? kick?) but I think they're going for 'knob'.

Panto Poll: Should Shazia have been fired?

The case for: She went back to the house to get the irons, leaving her special laundry identification 'system' ripe to be messed up. This resulted in items getting lost and a £50 fine for the team.

The case against: Going back to the house was authorised by the Project Manager Jennifer, who ultimately should take the rap for it. The team would've lost even without that fine, because they'd already made so many mistakes - over-pricing and losing out on good clients... and because Jennifer wasted so much time and energy listening to the sound of her own voice.

The Apprentice: Shazia's gone

...as you'd know, had you been following the live Twitter updates I did for you last night. (Why not subscribe? It's free!) The task this time was to start up a laundry business and run it for one day. The girls messed it up very entertainingly this week, guessing prices (£4.99 for every single individual item?!), throwing in wildly inappropriate 'extras' (24 hour hotline!) and even losing items of clothing. Didn't help that their project manager Jenny Celerier was the absolute worst, stitching up Shazia real good (here's her exit interview and here's someone who agrees with me on the BBC blog.)

Yes, all in all the lads were the real surprise stars of the night...

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Get Them Out: Ziggy

Now, this isn't going to be a witch-hunt: I honestly don't think that Ziggy is a bad person. But let's be honest - the guy's been a complete idiot, and has made some terrible decisions, when it comes to his relationship with Chanelle.

Let's go right back to the beginning - he chased her. I'm sure he'll deny it, but *we* remember that she was quite reluctant to take that step from flirtation to relationship. Of course, as time has gone on, the scales have tipped the other way, and Ziggy has been unable to deal with this change in dynamics. The fact is, he has become less and less enamoured with Chanelle as she has become more so with him, and while this is no-one's fault, he has taken his frustration out on her, which is just plain unfair.

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Get Them Out: Nicky

So, despite the twins' annoyingly consistent voting of Carole and Tracey (Channel 4 didn't even feel the need to air Sam's noms last night), it's Gerry and Nicky up for eviction. The fact that Charley isn't nominated makes me think that this particular eviction might just be straightforward... (legal ed - in no way is Ms. Waits suggesting that the BB producers are trying to keep Charley in the house.)

So who do we want to go? Well, it's got to be Nicky, hasn't it? Gerry gets weirder and weirder by the day - and, it has to be admitted, less likeable - but Nicky has been living on borrowed time for ages. All she does is smoke and complain and bitch and stir, and it seems that even her own little group, Tracey especially, are getting tired of her. She's not enjoying the experience, and we're not enjoying watching her. Time to go.

Big Brother 8 is quite obviously a fix

As soon as I heard about the fake housemate, I knew exactly what was going on. The whole thing was a plan to keep the odious Charley on our screens. It's clear that Charley is being given special rules to stay in the house. Using the N word? Never mind! It's Charley! Abusing house mates? Well, Big Brother doesn't normally tolerate that sort of thing... but seeing as it's Charley... you get the idea.

One thing that I'm baulking at is how this ruse has worked perfectly for the BB producers. They clearly want Charley to stay in, and the fake eviction cements her place in the house for a number of reasons. Firstly, no-one will nominate her this week in a bid to cleanse their consciences. Secondly, if they believe her pap about the response from the crowd, they'll no doubt feel that it's futile trying to vote out such a popular person. I imagine that there will be a lot of cosying up to this pointless moron due to a collective guilt. In all honesty, I can't believe that people voted to get her out at the weekend. I would have left her in. In fact, I'd leave her in there to rot long after the show has finished. [Mof Gimmers]

Laura feels that she is destined to leave

When Laura (pictured left) entered the Big Brother house, her philosophy on life was "happy, happy, happy". How quickly she seems to have forgotten that! In fact, the thought of her looking after my kids is enough to make me trembled the very piss from my body (she's a nanny by trade). Anyway, with the imminent evictions, Laura has told Carole that she will be the housemate given the chop this Friday because of her similarities with former housemate Seány.

She argued that her shared character traits with the second evicted housemate make her a certainty to be booted out by the public this week. "I know I'm going because Seány went - simple as! If they don't like him they wont like me," she explained.

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Laura clear favourite to be next evictee

With Chanelle and Laura up for eviction, the guys over at Virgin Bets are putting Laura as the runaway favourite to get the boot on Friday.

What a fall from grace, eh? She's gone from being one of the clear favourites to win, to one of the most annoying housemates in there. She's rude, horribly stubborn, and appears to have no tact or empathy whatsoever. There's a lack of soul about Laura which is really quite disturbing.

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Live Big Brother - 6pm: Get Them out!

Is it that time already? You betcha. Welcome to the latest installment of our popular series, Get Them Out!

Which poor specimen has been painted with the Available for Panto bound-for-eviction brush this week?

Before I begin, let me tell you who hasn't. The twins, for starters. I love them. In a house where people do nothing but fight, they manage to flit about like two dainty fairies, unconcerned with the evil bitches around them.

Jonathan would also have been safe, but seeing as he's buggered right off it's all pretty irrelevant now. And Nicky will forever be safe in my eyes. I do love her so.

It can be no-one other than the towel-queen herself.

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6pm update: Get Them Out!

It's been a long confusing week in the house. So confusing, in fact, that I hardly know who I actually want out of the house.

Charley is getting worse yet better, in that she is now a parody of herself. Keep her in I say.

Billi would just be too easy. He's a rat of a housemate, preening himself in the mirror at every opportunity.

For a while, I was certain I wanted Carole out. I voted for her last week -- instead of Seány -- but since then we've had the Great Revolt (as it will forever be known), with Carole's Braveheart moment.

You may take our food...but you'll never take our freeeeedommmm!

Inevitably, Big Brother has taken both. Ha.

So who does that leave?

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