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Classic Reality TV: watch Kerry and Jordan in the jungle

Remember when Jordan and Kerry were kind of cute and adorable? Back when men were men and Kerry was a McFadden? When Jordan and Kerry were IN THE JUNGLE TOGETHER? I know, right? Seems like a lifetime ago. But here they are, munching on bush cockroaches, before the curse of the jungle, and Peter Andre, struck...

Big Brother 3 - watch the housemates go in

A blast from the past for you, today. Remember back in 2002, when there were only about 10 people in the crowd and they had to whoop REALLY LOUD to make it seem like loads of people were there? And all the cars just pulled up on the kerb and they all got out at the same time?! Mental. Here's the first time Jade Goody was introduced to the house, and the world. What do you think? Shall we keep her?

Simon Cowell takes out shares in Blind Date revival

simonc.jpgIf you're groaning at the thought of a Blind Date revival - well, first of all what are you doing reading this website? But secondly, hear this: Simon Cowell wants a stake in it - and he does have something of a midas touch where such things are concerned. The new Blind Date won't have Cilla Black at the helm, of course, because she's dead she quit, so it'll be interesting to see who gets picked for the top job. My money's on Alexa Chung. Or bloody Russell Brand. Obviously it should go to Graham Norton. Who would you like to see host the new series? And hey, remember the good old days? Me neither, which is why I've lined up an old Blind Date clip for us - over the page! (Seriously, watch it. The guy's like this cut-price Crispin Glover.)

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Watch Big Brother Steph rejected from Popstars: The Rivals

Again, not so much 'where are they now' as 'where were they then' and more to the point 'what were they doing with their hair?' As one of the Youtube commenters points out, "Christ, she looks about five". Those of you who can't get enough of seeing her being rejected from reality shows, enjoy this clip of an exceptionally young and little looking Steph being kicked off Pop Stars: The Rivals for being annoying, crimped, THIRTEEN. And yet Geri Halliwell lives to see another day. There's no justice, is there?

Britain's Got Talent - watch Connie Talbot again

Personally, I think there's such a thing as enough gap-toothed six year olds singing songs from musicals, but I know you love it. So here you go, one more time, to celebrate the news that Connie will be releasing a new version of her album, this June... just don't get used to it. I'm not making a habit of this, ok?

Beauty and the Geek audition tape: Richard Rubin

An old classic for you, on a Friday afternoon. Looks like Egon Spengler, sounds like Woody Allen. Seriously, is this guy still single? And if so, why?

Part 2, 3 and 4 over the jump, if you can't get enough of Richard. Ad libbing "Probability?! What are the chances of that?" Putting one sweet in a bag at the pick 'n mix. It's all quality stuff. Have a geeky weekend!

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News round-up: Gareth's wedding, Chantelle's drunk and Cowell's rich - but it's all about Jordan really

cha2.jpgWho else had forgotten or blocked out of their memory the fact that Gareth Gates had a fling with Jordan!!! So she's not invited to his wedding, it turns out. Gareth love, you can ignore it but that won't mean it never happened.

Talking of Jordan, her protege is learning well. What was Jordan's response to all this? Did she grab Chanters by her flimsy shoulders and shake her like a ragdoll, while booming "I CREATED YOU! AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?" Yes, of course. She also said "She's never going to be me."

Following on from the shock news that he has an expensive house, now it's being reported that Cowell has bought a very expensive car. He's a wealthy guy. He's going to have expensive stuff. Get over it.

Who's going to win American Idol? USA today think it's likely to be a boy. But it was probably a boy who wrote it, so we should take such "investigative journalism" in the "respected newspaper" USA Today with a pinch of salt.

There's going to be a Canadian version of How Clean is Your House! Aggie's performance on Ice obviously didn't damage the brand as much as we feared.

Reality news in the tabloids: More money for judges, more attention for Louis, less phone selling for Paul Potts

lou1.jpgThe Strictly Come Dancing judges want more monies... I think they're a bit jealous of the X Factor judges, who get paid 10 times what they do, and also, as it happens, want more monies.

Paul Potts has decided to take the plunge and give up his phone selling job. The Sun says: "He was on extended leave as he toured the world performing to thousands, but was too scared to resign in case it had all been a DREAM". For heaven's sakes.

"They've managed to mess it up completely." Hmm? What's Louis Walsh's beef with Rock Rivals, I wonder? "There's far more drama on the X Factor in any week than there's likely to be in this whole series. I was so excited when I sat down to watch it. I expected it to be great. I had spent a whole day on set doing a cameo and they cut me." Aha. I think we have encountered what's known as "the rub".

Paul Potts on Britain's Got Talent

With news breaking of Paul Potts The Movie, I really think we need to see this again. Don't you? It's amazing, but look at Amanda Holden's face. Huh! What a cry baby. Here at Panto we are not influenced by human emotions.

Remember the UK version of Beauty and the Geek?

Aw, don't you miss it? And David Mitchell's fabulous commentary? If you haven't seen Beauty and the Geek, it's a bit like Supersize vs Superskinny, but with autism. And if you think I'm joking, you might want to look at the clip over the turn, where Ed shows you how he eats a jam sandwich...

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Classic reality tv: Marias auditions

As auditions come to a close on the latest LLoyd Webber experiment, "I'd Do Anything", let us remember, together, the wonderful talents of musical theatre that auditioned for the benevolent gnome in the past. And let us be thankful they didn't get through. It's Briony people!

Posted by on February 12, 2008 5:00 PM in Classic Reality TV
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Classic Strictly: Natasha Kaplinsky and Brendon Cole

Whisper it quietly. In fact, don't even do that, just write it on a bit torn out of the back of your maths book and pass it to me under the table... We're kind of missing Strictly a little bit. So here's a clip from a year ago, of Brendan (in the news these days for claiming he could win at Dancing on Ice) and the lovely Natasha, in all her ageing-hairstyle finery. It wasn't that long ago, but doesn't Brucie seem a bit more lively than he does these days - and Bruno is a veritable schoolboy. Check out the way Brendan looks at Nat when he says "this is the last time Natasha and I are going to be performing together... in public". Saucy devil. Love is in the air alright. Enjoy.

Posted by on February 11, 2008 4:00 PM in Classic Reality TV| Strictly Come Dancing
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