Oh dear, Jason. He forgot the words, Simon told him "pack your bags". Not good is it? Yes, the girls love him, and I'm sure he has a beautiful soul and maybe even an alright voice when he hasn't been toking on a doobie all day. But really ladies: look at him. Just... look at him. Imagine your daughter brought that home.
...and not just Sharon Osbourne weird - proper "if you were my friend I'd call a doctor" weird. She denies she was drunk, but if she's not, then maybe something else is going on? Well, see for yourself...
The poor, poor man. Imagine if your first crush pulled this stunt on you when you were at work. Still, I think the anticipation is the hard part - the very worried "what the hell is this going to be?" look on his face at the beginning. He seems to be quite relieved when he finds out who it actually is.
Over the pond, Brooke White's gone. David Archuleta, David Cook, Jason Castro and Syesha Mercado battle it out for the American Idol crown.
Speaking of America, US hacks ask "are we ready for The X Factor? As American Idol viewing figures continue to plunge, could importing the more successful Cowell show be the answer?
It's been a bad week for Darius "Pop Idol" Danesh, as Trevor Nunn's Gone With The Wind opens in the West End to a critical battering. I had high hopes for this and I honestly can't bear to repeat what they've been saying about it (but that link will give you all you need.)
And we'll all have an excuse to do our mogwai voice again in a few weeks ("Bright light! Bright light!" come on, it can't just be me) - as Dragon's Den star Peter Jones is going to be starring in an advert, surrounded by Gremlins.
Oh and Chantelle, do you know what time it is? That's right, it's time for a new look.
So that's why he was in the US at the weekend, and had to beam his little face into I'd Do Anything from a video screen! All the songs this week were from the Lord's shows - watch the great man himself coaching Carly Smithson, and her delivering what I believe is known as a 'belter of a tune'.
Piers Morgan's interviewed Paul Potts, and found him to be just the same nice guy that he met a year ago. But with better teeth.
While every straight girl's other secret crush, John Barrowman, has a new series of The Kids Are All Right - the show where superbright kids and adults go head-to-head (we're suckers for this kind of thing). The programme goes out tomorrow, 6.05pm, BBC1, just before his other show, I'd Do Anything. Interview here - did you know he was born in Glasgow?!
With Britain's Got Talent returning this weekend in all its dog-dancing glory, our thoughts return to Simon Cowell's varied and prolific career. So tell me, which show do you like best of all?
She was the guest mentor this week, and all the wannabes had to sing one of her songs. But who cares about them? We wanna see Dolly, don't we? I can't hear you! Who do you want? When do you want her? That's better. Here you go then, the lady herself, singing on the show this week. It's a new song, and it's about a couple of things close to Dolly's heart -Jesus and Gravity (Dolly love, you make this far too easy for me...)
Doesn't she look fab? She's 85 years old, you know. But she's still got it!
It's been, what, almost four minutes since we last heard Bleeding Love? Well, you can wipe the cold sweat from your trembling brow - here's the moment Miss Lewis was introduced to the US public, this week. She's as mousy and polite as usual. Cowell seems to be back in the high-waisties. Oh, and Oprah pulls a funny face right at the end! Honest! Stay nice, Leona. Don't do a Chantelle on us, now.
Well, I'm glad he said it first. Simon Cowell has said that he's "not enjoying" the current series of American Idol. He thinks the series resembles the latest X Factor run. God's sake man, haven't you forgotten that's your show too? At least compare it to Strictly Come Dancing or something! I guess when you're involved with that many talent shows you're bound to lose track sooner or later.
Cowell told The Sun: "To be honest with you I'm really not enjoying the current American Idol season. It actually reminds me of the last X Factor series we did. It's just a bit dull."
They are, in no particular order:
David Archuleta Jason Castro
Chikezie
David Cook
Kristy Lee Cook
David Hernandez
Michael Johns
Ramiele Malubay
Syesha Mercado
Amanda Overmyer
Carly Smithson
Brooke White
Now for something completely different. You like that kid in the baseball shirt who's always following Schofield around on Prison Break? You'll love David Archuleta. So, who wants to see David singing "Another Day In Paradise"? Mmm? Come on amigo...
Over the pond, viewers seem to be horrified by revelations that American Idol contestant David Hernandez, who's just made it into the finals, used to perform at a gay strip club. TV network Fox have decided that he will still be allowed to appear on the show "despite his past". Sheesh! He's on American Idol... it's his future people should be worried about. But what do you make of it all?
