Eesh, I take one day off, and look what happens.

1. News emerges that Claire was so desperate to be on telly she's been through three Big Brother auditions. "The last thing she wants is for Sir Alan to discover she's a fame-seeker."

I'm sure the fact she's applying for a job via oh, uh, THE BBC won't give him any clues.

2. Lindi and Michael Sophocles are now dating after she dumped her long-term boyf for him. Do you think he shouts "I WON!" in bed? Do you think he eyeshadow stays on? So many questions.

3. And Margaret doesn't like it when people approach her about The Apprentice. When someone asked her for her tip for this series, she said, "I think Lucinda is a lot better than she appears to have been so far - hats and cleavage or no hats and cleavage." Hey if you're not comfortable with your appearance, Margaret, you can change it. You're better than that.

Obviously the world can't be trusted to be left on its own. World? You're fired.

The Apprentice is on Wednesday, 9pm, BBC 1.

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