I love Sport Relief. Not only is it all about philanthropy and fitness, it's also a great way of helping to raise money for charity by, like, sitting around on your arse watching telly. Sport Relief weekend is set to kick off tonight with a special TV fund-raising marathon to raise millions to help vulnerable people in the UK and the world's poorest countries.

Prepare yourself for a Strictly Come Dancing special with cricketer Mark Ramprakash, EastEnders star Kara Tointon and footballer David Ginola. Yay, 'tis a veritable galaxy of awkward, slightly camera-shy stars. In the land of sports-themed charity telethons, 'physical intelligence' rushes in where basic charisma fears to tread.

Jonathan Ross will take on Jimmy Carr in a 'battle of the titans' tennis match at the Royal Albert Hall, while the breakfast TV presenter Ben Shephard squares up to Fame Academy finalist Lemar in the boxing ring...but that's not all!

Viewers will also get to hear hedgehog-faced millionaire Sir Alan Sugar say "you're fired" in the second half of the celebrity Apprentice. And Leona's knocking around somewhere with her new song, of course.

What my press release mystifyingly describes as the "highlight of the night", though, is the moment football legend Alan Shearer and host of The One Show host Adrian Chiles arrive live in the studio, fresh from their 335-mile two-day cycling challenge from Newcastle. I mean seriously, hold me down.

Since its launch in 2002 almost £50 million has been raised through Sport Relief. Tune in tonight, BBC1, 7pm.

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