Oh, and not for the first time, har har. Jordan's implants are being auctioned for a cool million - a slightly stingy sounding 10% of which will be going to "charity". She said: "All my friends have put them in their bra to see what they feel like. They're the size of a mini-pizza." Why not just use pizza then? That's what I do.

The red-tops love to hate Ms Price, that's for sure, but can we trust anything this "nanny" says? Despite winning a mum of the year accolade, the glamour model has been accused, by her recently-fired nanny, of a whole string of offences. "Their life is very different to the one on TV. The reality is she's selfish and self-centred -- and NOT the perfect mum." Jordan and Peter's crimes against parenting include, I shit you not, teaching Junior to swear to amuse their barbecue guests. Jeez. If that's wrong then seriously, I don't want to be right.

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