Oh, it was great, actually. I take it all back. There was Dermot all wrapped up in a lovely big camel coat (I live in Elstree and let me tell you, it was freezing out there last night) looking like a regular Trevor Howard, as glossy youngsters, one-by-one, bounded out of a black Ford Cortina and up the stairs, pausing only to stand and wave in front of the door. Before realising that wasn't the door and walking on a few paces, slightly embarrassed. My faves so far:

Matt Lucas. OK, he wasn't in the house, but he was 'remote controlling' one of the housemates via ear-piece. If the rapscallion in question, John Loughton, managed to do everything he was asked (it was stuff like "give that boxer a good hard shoulder massage", "tell that guy he looks like Harry Potter") then he'd get immunity from voting, and a guaranteed place in the final. If he failed, he'll be up for public vote every time. He passed.

Amy Jackson. Conceptual artist, Oxford University student, and probably the most intelligent person in there. She channels her OCD into her work, by cleaning little squares of the world. I think she's fabulous and hope she wins. Which presumably means she won't.

John Loughton is a Scottish politician. He's achieved far more than I ever will, and I was about 30 when he was born. Lucas gave him a hard time, and he deserves to be in the final.

Don't know who's running the shop tonight, but the celebs set to do the hijacking include: Joan Rivers, Jimmy Carr, Malcolm McLaren, Ian Wright, Keith Lemon, Brian Sewell, Jake and Dinos Chapman.

Looking forward to Sewell!

If all this has put you in the BB mood, here's how to apply online.

Came straight to this page? Visit www.availableforpanto.com for all the latest news.

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