It's week 13 (I think) and that means we should all go 'wooooo' because 13 is an unlucky number ain't it? So, who the crimminy is going to be a luck void and get a royal booting? Will it be Tracey? Or Jonty? Or maybe Kara-Louise? Chances are, the horrendous voting types will be gunning for one of the former halfway housers, which, to me, is a bit sad. MAKE THINGS INTERESTING AND GIVE THE FAUX-RAVER THE BOOT!

That's just my view on things at any rate. If you want to read more of my views, tune in here at 8.30pm when I discuss all things BB, the double eviction and... quite possibly... I'll be talking about the adverts in between too. Join in the fun after the jump!

20.26 Have you just been watching that programme with a bloke with a massive nose and a mental woman who have bought a house? He's evidently a moronic swine and she's obviously unhinged. Perhaps someone should stick some cameras in their new Spanish house and we can watch them beat each other to a pulp! Anyway... you ready? You game? It's Big Brother eviction time muthacrunkers!

20.30 Gran Hermano time! The banners are out! It looks like WWE (or WWF as some of you may remember it by) and it's time to cheer at almost anything... and boo at whatever is left! Whoop! WHHHOOOOPPP! BOOOO! Booo!

20.31 Davina, once again, proves to be one of the most hapless TV presenters in the world.

20.32 Kara-Louise and Jonty get booed. Why? They're harmless enough aren't they? Good god. My laptop is filthy.

20.33 It's highlights and catch-up time. Brian is whooping like a man possessed at the sight of tobacco and pizzas. He's now dancing. It's making Carole smile. Ziggy looks like Lion-O. And, bizarrely, Jonty is naked and drying his balls with a hair-dryer.

20.34 Cut to the garden, Ziggy and Liam do a human beatbox. I've never seen anyone look as white in all my life... and that includes Jonty.

20.36 Liam and Carole are in the diary room. They are screaming. They remind me of someone at the tail end of some Russian Roulette. Brian, back in the main house, ponders "Isn't a vegetarian a second rate vegan?"

20.37 Brian now understands that eggs are in fact, a chickens period. Now, he's getting creation explained to him. "To make a baby, you need a male egg..." Jesus wept (he did you know)

20.38 Davina, just before break says, "How are you doing wolves?" to the crowd. Ever had one of your fave TV moments get the soul sucked out of it? Have yer?

20.40 There's me having a normal break, listening to the odious Edith Bowman sell tumble dryers... and then *BAM* Rumours abound that Fidel Castro has passed away. It's only rumours at the minute mind you. Still, weird eh? I bet George Dubya is rubbing his hands together. Now, a cigarette (I don't have any cigars)

20.42 I've now been told that the whole Fidel Castro thing "seems to be bollocks"

20.43 The crowd... the Big Brother crowd... do they just constantly cheer? Do they cheer even when they're not watching BB? Imagine that! 'Hiya mate, how's tricks?' 'AAAAAAAAAAARGH WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOURGH BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!'

20.46 Right. This is dull. Ziggy is being offered a party. Podiums have been placed in the house. Ziggy has to guess who is on which podium. They are placed by order of 'who is the best housemate'... I think. Will they win a party?

20.47 This is obviously an exercise in hurting peoples feelings.

20.48 Namely Kara-Louise.

20.50 The game continues. Who is the least spineless? Liam. Who is nastiest? Tracey according to Ziggy. Good lord. This task doesn't even make me have a memory of anything scintillating.

20.52 Kara-Louise is having a bit of a weep. It seems fair. She's always up for eviction. They've dubbed her worst housemate... and nastiest housemate. She's probably getting voted out tonight and she'll probably get booed. There's me thinking she was just a bit dull.

20.55 Kara-Louise is quite clearly upset. It's not nice to watch. Big Brother needs to sort this out. You know what this is? It's called bullying. Hoo-bleedin'-ray. This is fast becoming one of the most uncomfortable BBs in ages. Why would anyone take pleasure in this?

20.57 The crowd's response? Yep. More brainless cheering.

20.58 Certain people deserve venom. Charley is definitely one. However, hateful thought vacuums decree her worthy of attention and job opportunities. Kara-Louise, dull as she is, is suffering for no reason at all. I think Anna debated that she was a victim of reversed snobbery, what with her being well-spoken. When she tries to join in with the craic, she gets chastised. When she leaves everyone to it, the house ignore her. I now feel incredibly sorry for Kara-Louise.

21.00 I'm hungry. I've had no tea. I want this eviction over and done with. It's boring. Davina has failed to stir any kind of emotion in me (unless apathy counts). I think I'm getting bored of BB8... it's been on for 3 months (or there abouts) and it's just... so... tedious. If you're not watching this, you're missing very little.

21.03 The house are dancing to Stefan Dennis' Don't It Make You Feel Good? Oh, the irony is killing me.

21.05 Brian has sung the line "Dunnit make you feel good?" over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

21.08 Do you know something? With the ostracising of the halfway housemates, I know hate the 'in' crowd. That'd be the twins, Liam, Brian and Ziggy. I now don't care who wins... as long as it's none of that lot.

21.11 Yawn. They're building up to a double eviction. I'll eat a fart if Tracey goes.

21.14 BT. If you're reading this. I've paid my phone bill. I paid it ages ago. Would you mind enabling the old 'outbound calls' thing?

21.15 GO ON YOU IDIOTS! HOLD UP YOUR BANNERS! I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO READ 'EM! ALL THAT EFFORT! YOU'VE WASTED YOUR TIME MUGS!

21.16 I really am in a bad mood aren't I?

21.17 The housemates seem to be trading their entire foodstuffs with Big Brother. What for? 3 songs and two cans of lager. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

21.19 There is definitely an 'in crowd' and they're taking liberties. I now long for someone like Seany in the house.

21.21 Tracey is asked about her feelings toward the eviction. She feels "sketchy and nervous". I honestly believe that she thinks she's staying in. She probably is. The whole thing is so predictable that it has actually given me indigestion. And now? I'm watching Tracey dancing to A Higher State Of Consciousness. The irony! I've just slumped into the lower regions of a coma.

21.24 And now Carole's got her baps out.

21.25 BIG BROTHER HOUSE THIS IS DAVINA. Voted out?

TRACEY! TRACEY! TRACEY! TRACEY! TRACEY! TRACEY!

Oh, and poor old Kara-Louise.

Shitting hell. Thank you general public! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! JONTY TO WIN!

21.26 I really didn't see that coming. It almost stirred me. I almost woke up. This has been, without doubt, the worst episode of BB8 I have ever seen. My girlfriend sat next to me agrees. I'm off for some grub. See you for the second part which will hopefully see Davina honing her skills as a TV presenter by actually asking some probing questions. I dearly love you all.

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