Good evening!

Eviction night once again folks. Except this is no ordinary eviction! Oh no no! Tonight you're lucky enough to be able to vote out either Charley or Nicky! But they won't be evicted at all! So you're just wasting your money! Bwahahaha!

We're on after the break, and after the jump...

20:29 - Just been watching some program about a couple in Barcelona. What a fool that bloke was! I reckon he's related to ex-housemate Billi though...what a nose. Enormous. Davina's up next!

20:32 - Big crowd tonight for the execution eviction of Charley. Crowd: "Get Charley out! Get Charley out!"

20:35 - Charley is staring at the diary room camera. No, wait, sorry, that's her arse.

20:37 - prud·ish
–adjective
1. excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.
2. characteristic of a prude.

20:40 - "We should try and start a movement" - Brian. "Up the BB revolution!" says Davina, who also reveals that Charley -- who is lacking any clothes -- may be evicted in her pants! Oh god no.

20:45 - Ads. BigBrotherOnline.co.uk reckons the eviction crowd will be asked to don bowler hats (!?!?) and remain silent when the evictee leaves the house. Odd.

20:50 - More highlights. Someone has the hots for Ziggy, says Davina. Charley is the masterbitcher. Did you see how she managed to change the subject then?! Meanwhile, Brian farts on Gerry's face. Where's Freddy? Fart on that too. Please. Then show it your erection. Hell, why not wee on it too. The revolution begins here, Brian!

20:52 - Is all this happening before or after the alleged blowjob?

20:55 - I'm with Ziggy on this one. Chanelle, get a grip woman.

20:57 - Who's got that slightly good singing voice? Hmm. "Beautiful them twins ent they?" says Liam to Carole. Ziggy the Gang-star proclaims to Big Bro that he "Can't be doin' with that shit".

20:59 - Celebrity celebrity celebrity. Brian learns to read. Carole learns to sing.

21:04 - It's after 9pm! We can swear now. Fuck shit bollocks.

21:05 - Can someone tell me what they're singing about? I've muted.

21:07 - "What do we want? Peace!" ... that's the chant for the "Warmth not Waste" charity. Idiots.

21:09 - Here comes Gerry's message. Quite good at that Greek malarky he is.

21:11 - The relationship is back on! "I'm so sorry I was such a bitch!" says Chanelle.

21:13 - "Where's Nepal? Poland?"

21:14 - Big Brother has its translations wrong. I know Nepalese, and what she said was "Listen yet, Warmth not Waste yeah, we've had differences yeah, and I'm not being funny, I'm just bein' honest yeah, we can waste anymore you know what I'm saying? Yeah?"

21:17 - Did you like Brian's little "Politics is showbusiness for ugly people" quote? Turns out he nicked it from a bloke named Gore Vidal. Quite something for someone who claims not to know who Shakespeare is. An act? I think so. Actually, I'm sure of it.

21:22 - Gerry and Liam chatting about the use of "queer" as an offensive word. Gerry said he would be offended by the word. I wonder if Gerry would be offended if I, for the sake of debate, called him an annoying spineless wanker?

21:24 - Carole has worked it out -- yes, Warmth not Peace is a wind-up. Good one though. Made me chuckle.

21:27 - Here we go! The moment of truth!

21:28 - And it's... CHARLEY. Booooooooo haha!

21:29 - Exclusive twist news! The housemates all are going to be lined up and shot.

We can but dream. Join me for Part 2 after 8 out of 10 Cats. Miaoww.

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