Kieron Richardson (you know, the footballer cousin of Charley) has signed for newly-promoted Sunderland for £5.5 million.

"Sunderland is a big club and it's a great move for me," said Richardson, before adding "and that stupid slapper Charley is going to want to come and visit after she leaves the house. I can't let that happen. It means sacrificing my place as a player in one of the world's top football teams, but I'd sign for Bognor Regis if it meant I never had to see that washed-up pathetic tramp ever again."*

Meanwhile, back in the house, Carole has been arguing about cleaning (for a change...).

"I didn't call him an imbecile, but someone told him I did. Well, I did call him an imbecile, but not while he was in the room."

Well that's alright then is it Carole?!

Sam has been standing up for herself against Carole. Good on her. "Why did you shout at us?" she asked. "That's his problem not mine."

"What she means is," interrupted Charley, who's been surprisingly diplomatic today, "why didn't you ask her yourself?" Good point.

"Because I wasn't party to it," argued Carole. "Maybe I won't bother anymore. I'm not bothering anymore." Hurrah. I wish she could "not bother anymore" with breathing.

Today's Big Brother has put me in a very grumpy mood. I hope tomorrow's party will add a bit of spark to their lives.

Coming up tomorrow: Available for Panto chats to the Big Brother legend that is Nasty Nick!

* May not be an actual quote.

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