Back with a vengeance, like Bruce Willis, last night’s Big Brother drew in an audience of 6.2million viewers for Channel 4 – tuning in to watch (as was recently leaked) an all-female cast of housemates descend on the house.

The climax of the show drew in 8 million viewers – equalling the previous highest number of viewers for a Big Brother launch programme. Even Sir Alan couldn't distract the viewers, with The Apprentice drawing in 4.8 million viewers between 9 and 10pm.

Eventful night.

Some housemates were rightfully booed, some were cheered - mainly for being non ‘Nuts magazine babe’ lookalikes.

I love it. I hate it. I love it. I hate it.

Interesting things to note:

1. Oven in the bedroom – Channel 4 haven’t missed a trick. Today’s Sun reports that freedom fighting, bisexual Carole (last one in the house, current favourite, glasses, bun on her head, made no effort) has a rare eating disorder. Which, yep, you’ve guessed it, means she can only eat after 9pm. Seriously.

2. Tracey, the clearly pilled-up lovechild of Brian Harvey who started gurning and rubbing her nose the second she got in the house. She referred to herself as a ‘cheesy quaver, a raver’ and walks like she has a penis. This is what the nation appears to like, since she wasn’t booed. Her phrase that pays: "AVE IT, AVE IT!"

3. Wannabe Peaches Geldof (Emily) has got off to a bad start by comparing herself to Peaches Geldof (whom the nation despises) and then went on to say she’s into "the new music seeping the nation: indie..." On the plus side she was an extra in Dirty Dancing 2, which in my eyes is a redeeming quality.

4. Cannot wait for retired headhunter Satan aka. Lesley to begin her ‘faux crying’ - the trick she claims allows her to get her her own way... and also makes her look like a f*cking idiot.

5. Chanelle wants to go on Big Brother to give Yorkshire a good name. I hadn't realised it had a bad one. However, a Victoria Beckham lookalike going into the Big Brother house with a name like an expensive perfume is a sure-fire way to give Yorkshire a better name.

6. Shabnam (‘people think I’m a lunatic’) says she sometimes gets confused for Dannii Minogue – by David Blunkett maybe. I’m thinking more Danny La Rue.

7. And finally, note to Davina McCall: sack your stylist. You’ll be in Heat’s Worst Dressed this week.

Question: where are the in-between people? It's either raving loonies or wannabe glamour girls that have been thrown into the house. The dolly birds surely belong on Shipwrecked. Where they should have been left. Shipwrecked.

Bring the men in. And soon. I don’t know how much ‘you’re gorgeous!’, ‘no, you’re gorgeous!’ I can put up with. Apparently, one lucky gent is going in tomorrow...

[For more on the Big Brother launch night check the Available For Panto launch night liveblog]

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