Ofcom fine for ITV: Ant and Dec in trouble

Ah, it's our loveable I'm a Celebrity presenters, everyone's favourite cheeky chappies! Except they're not so loveable now, are they? Do we detect something... sinister about in those smiles? Especially Ant. I don't know. It seems to me that phone-ins, like the lottery, are something of a tax on the stupid. But it's not just phone-in scandals (and there have been many, of late). It's come to light that Ant and Dec's Saturday Night takeaway was announced winner of the People's Choice Award way back in 2005 when the people didn't choose them.

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Does Sir Alan need a booster seat?

According to rejected hopeful Jenny Celerier, of course. Jenny told a radio show yesterday: "I did notice when he got on to his chair he did do a sort of little jump to get on to it. It's like one of those children." Sugar's about 5 foot 6, small for a man but hardly a midget? When Virgin Radio breakfast host Christian O'Connell asked if Jenny meant that he used a booster seat, she replied: "I'm saying he might do!"

Pun fans will be pleased to hear The Sun went with this headline: "You're Highered".

Denise Van Outen tips Ashley to win

Well, kind of. The news appears in what we shall call, for superstition's sake, "The Scottish Paper", so one has to allow for bias. "Ashley would work very well for the male viewers," said Denise. "I love her hair and she's really good at being real when she's performing. I hope she holds on to that." I don't know about DVO. I've just never found her to have that "star quality", so struggle to trust her judgment. What do you think? Is Ashley your Nancy?

Wife Swap star dies of overdose

You can see why Simon Foster and his bisexual wife Jane (and their respective girlfriends) appealed to Wife Swap producers.

But The Mirror reports that their marriage collapsed after appearing on the show. Following the show's airing in October, they divorced and Simon moved out. Jane also moved - to be nearer her girlfriend - but in an incredibly sad turn of events, Simon lost his job and became homeless. He was found dead in a Brighton flat on April 15. A spokeswoman for RDF Media Group, the makers of Wife Swap said: "All Wife Swap contributors are offered support both during and after filming and this care was of course available to Simon Foster. Our sincere condolences go out to Simon's family at this time."

Reality TV news: Bigger Brother, Fergie's back, Brucie's replacement? The Baron's insulting...

This year the Big Brother house will be a third bigger. Sounds good, but does it just mean that they're going to up the number of housemates too? I sure hope not. LESS IS MORE, Big Brother bosses. LESS. IS. MORE.

As you'll recall, Fergie's fly-on-the-wall show about telling poor people how to eat properly was cancelled after a dead man was found at the home of the family the cameras were following. Well, it is going ahead after all, and will be screened at the end of the month.

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American Idol: Paula Abdul acts weird

...and not just Sharon Osbourne weird - proper "if you were my friend I'd call a doctor" weird. She denies she was drunk, but if she's not, then maybe something else is going on? Well, see for yourself...

Shit Lookalikes: Kym Ryder and Jennifer McGuire

I'm sorry, but this is just creepy. The dark bob, the embarrassed little smile, the penchant for using reality shows to boost their careers... Could Kym and Jennifer be related? I think we should be told.

Apprentice: BOTH Jennys get the boot!

Yes, it seems Surrrrrrrrrralan has finally got sick of all the manipulativeness and game-playing that seems to be going on this series. Well, he's not the only one. (But seriously, if it bothers you that much, er, like... don't make a reality show?)

They were tasked with buying stuff from a Marrakesh market this week. After kicking Celerier off, big Al turned to the other team members and said: "Right, who's next?" Jesus. You can practically hear the blood freezing in their veins. Jennifer was booted off for game-playing. Celerier later told the Daily Mail: " A lot of people like the idea of Alpha females but in reality they find us difficult to deal with." What do you think? And more to the point - is it all going to be really dull from now on? Entertaining clip from spin-off show You're Fired over the hop...

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Chris de Burgh and Tina Yamout on Star Academy Lebanon

Alright, clearly this needs some explanation. Star Academy's concept is sort of "X Factor meets Big Brother" - in the middle east. It is phenomenally popular, pulling in 60 million viewers a week, and in the current series, contestants from Morocco, Egypt, Jordan, Palestine, Syria, Kuwait and Iraq are competing in singing, dancing and acting. The hopefuls stay at studios in Beirut for four months, and that's where Chris de Burgh met Tina Yamout, and decided to record a duet with her. (Chris de Burgh is massively popular in Lebanon, keep up...) Anyway, they've just released this song, together. It's called Live for the Day:

Gordon Ramsay to be censored in Aus?

Australia and Britain are at war!!!!!!!!! And it's all Gordon Ramsay's fault! Honestly, if I wasn't eating a banana right now, I'd have to check the calendar because it's exactly like the 1940s all over again. [Leila: are you ill? - ed].

Australia's Parliament is actually holding an inquiry into swearing on TV because of the amount of effing and blinding that comes out of Gordon Ramsay's mouth on Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen. But not so long ago, Britain was banning Australian imports - we took offense, didn't we, at their godforsaken "Where the bloody 'ell are you?" campaign. I'm not sure why, but I guess because it was indecently annoying. Maybe Ramsay will be censored by the Aussies, but who cares? It's our go now. Watch your backs, Australia... that's not a knife, etc.

Star Psychic to play Blackpool

With writers, they say one's career begins and ends with radio. I suspect something similar could be said about TV entertainers, and Blackpool.

But that would be unkind and as you know, we're big softies here at Panto. Speaking of big softies, Star Psychic Sally Morgan is touring the UK for the first time next month and will be reading the fun-sized minds of those who've paid for the pleasure, at Blackpool's Grand Theatre on Sunday 22nd June. It says here, quite ominously I thought, "Dare you miss it?" I mean, what is that? A threat?

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What Americans think of 'Strictly' and 'Stars'

To celebrate the 100th episode of Dancing With The Stars, there's an interesting piece in Variety today about the pure disbelief with which the pitch was received by the states. Salient points below...

Conrad Green, the British "factual entertainment" chief who would become executive producer of ABC's version, said that the US was initially hesitant, and even the celebrity component didn't impress: "One network president said, 'If that works, I should resign.'"

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